according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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