I look better un-naked...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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