So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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