Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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