i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
