Clothes are such an inconvenience.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
