What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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