Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
