So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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