ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
