I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
