Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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