Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
