end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
