john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
