He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
