I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
