i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
