Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Pants are for mortals
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
