my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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