Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My ass is underappreciated
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
