That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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