You made me cry and you don't even care
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
