If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
