I want to have your abortion
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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