is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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