If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
