Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize