just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Found the puke drawer
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
