she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
