You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
