i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
