Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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