I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
