Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
