Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
