Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
