im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
