Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
