How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
