I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
