Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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