I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
