Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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