All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
