Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize