Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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