Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
