Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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