i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
People with herpes should wear stickers.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
