true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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