So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
