doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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