I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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