take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
