I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
