i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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